april hopes-第62部分
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that you might take your mother too seriously in the otherthat you might
not understand that she judged you from her nerves and not her
convictions。 It's part of her malady； of her suffering； that her
inherited Puritanism clouds her judgment； and makes her see all faults as
of one size and equally damning。 I wish you to know that she was not
always so； but was once able to distinguish differences in error； and to
realise that evil is of ill…will。〃
〃Yes； I know that；〃 said Dan。 〃She is nowwhen she feels well。〃
〃Harm comes from many things； but evil is of the heart。 I wouldn't have
you condemn yourself too severely for harm that you didn't intendthat's
remorsethat's insanity； and I wouldn't have you fall under the
condemnation of another's invalid judgment。〃
〃Thank you； father；〃 said Dan。
They had come up to the paddock behind the barn； and they laid their arms
on the fence while they looked over at the horses； which were still there。
The beasts； in their rough winter coats； some bedaubed with frozen clots
of the mud in which they had been rolling earlier in the afternoon； stood
motionless in the thin； keen breeze that crept over the hillside from the
March sunset； and blew their manes and tails out toward Dan and his
father。 Dan's pony sent him a gleam of recognition from under his frowsy
bangs； but did not stir。
〃Bunch looks like a caterpillar；〃 he said； recalling the time when his
father had given him the pony； he was a boy then； and the pony was as much
to him； it went through his mind； as Alice had ever been。 Was it all a
jest； an irony？ he asked himself。
〃He's getting pretty old；〃 said his father。 〃Let's see： you were only
twelve。〃
〃Ten；〃 said Dan。 〃We've had him thirteen years。〃
Some of the horses pricked up their ears at the sound of their voices。
One of them bit another's neck； the victim threw up his heels and
squealed。
Pat called from the stable； 〃Heigh； you divils！〃
〃I think he'd better take them in；〃 said Dan's father； and he continued；
as if it were all the same subject； 〃I hope you'll have seen something
more of the world before you fall in love the next time。〃
〃Thank you； there won't be any next time。 But do you consider the world
such a school of morals； then？ I supposed it was a very bad place。〃
〃We seem to have been all born into it；〃 said the father。 He lifted his
arms from the fence； and Dan mechanically followed him into the stable。
A warm； homely smell of hay and of horses filled the place； a lantern
glimmered； a faint blot； in the loft where Pat was pitching some hay
forward to the edge of the boards； the naphtha gas weakly flared from the
jets beside the harness…room； whence a smell of leather issued and mingled
with the other smell。 The simple； earthy wholesomeness of the place
appealed to Dan and comforted him。 The hay began to tumble from the loft
with a pleasant rustling sound。
His father called up to Pat； 〃I think you'd better take the horses in
now。〃
〃Yes； sir： I've got the box…stalls ready for 'em。〃
Dan remembered how he and Eunice used to get into the box…stall with his
pony； and play at circus with it； he stood up on the pony； and his sister
was the ring…master。 The picture of his careless childhood reflected a
deeper pathos upon his troubled present； and he sighed again。
His father said； as they moved on through the barn： 〃Some of the best
people I've ever known were what were called worldly people。 They are apt
to be sincere； and they have none of the spiritual pride； the conceit of
self…righteousness； which often comes to people who are shut up by
conscience or circumstance to the study of their own motives and actions。〃
〃I don't think she was one of that kind；〃 said Dan。
〃Oh； I don't know that she was。 But the chances of happiness； of
goodness； would be greater with a less self…centred personfor you。〃
〃Ah； Yes！ For me！〃 said Dan bitterly。 〃Because I hadn't it in me to be
frank with her。 With a man like me； a woman had better be a little
scampish； too！ Father； I could get over the loss； she might have died；
and I could have got over that； but I can't get over being to blame。〃
〃I don't think I'd indulge in any remorse；〃 said his father。 〃There's
nothing so useless； so depraving； as that。 If you see you're wrong； it's
for your warning； not for your destruction。〃
Dan was not really feeling very remorseful； he had never felt that he was
much to blame； but he had an intellectual perception of the case； and he
thought that he ought to feel remorseful； it was this persuasion that he
took for an emotion。 He continued to look very disconsolate。
〃Come；〃 said his father； touching his arm； 〃I don't want you to brood upon
these things。 It can do no manner of good。 I want you to go to New York
next week and look after that Lafflin process。 If it's what he thinksif
he can really cast his brass patterns without air…holesit will
revolutionise our business。 I want to get hold of him。〃
The Portuguese cook was standing in the basement door which they passed at
the back of the house。 He saluted father and son with a glittering smile。
〃Hello； Joe！〃 said Dan。
〃Ah； Joe！〃 said his father； he touched his hat to the cook； who snatched
his cap off。
〃What a brick you are； father！〃 thought Dan。 His heart leaped at the
notion of getting away from Ponkwasset； he perceived how it had been
irking him to stay。 〃If you think I could manage it with Lafflin 〃
〃Oh； I think you could。 He's another slippery chap。〃
Dan laughed for pleasure and pain at his father's joke。
XLIX。
In New York Dan found that Lafflin had gone to Washington to look up
something in connection with his patent。 In his eagerness to get away
from home； Dan had supposed that his father meant to make a holiday for
him； and he learned with a little surprise that he was quite in earnest
about getting hold of the invention。 he wrote home of Lafflin's absence；
and he got a telegram in reply ordering him to follow on to Washington。
The sun was shining warm on the asphalt when he stepped out of the
Pennsylvania Depot with his bag in his hand； and put it into the hansom
that drove up for him。 The sky overhead was of an intense blue that made
him remember the Boston sky as pale and grey； when the hansom tilted out
into the Avenue he had a joyous glimpse of the White House； of the Capitol
swimming like a balloon in the cloudless air。 A keen March breeze swept
the dust before him； and through its veil the classic Treasury Building
showed like one edifice standing perfect amid ruin represented by the jag…
tooth irregularities of the business architecture along the wide street。
He had never been in Washington before； and he had a confused sense of
having got back to Rome； which he remembered from his boyish visit。
Throughout his stay he seemed to be coming up against the facade of the
Temple of Neptune； but it was the Patent Office； or the Treasury Building；
or the White House； and under the gay Southern sky this reversion to the
sensations of a happier time began at once； and made itself a lasting
relief。 He felt a lift in his spirits from the first。 They gave him a
room at Wormley's； where the chairs comported themselves as self…
respectfully upon two or three legs as they would have done at Boston upon
four； the cooking was excellent； and a mercenary welcome glittered from
all the kind black faces around him。 After the quiet of Ponkwasset and
the rush of New York； the lazy ease of the hotel pleased him； the clack of
boots over its pavements； the clouds of tobacco smoke； the Southern and
Western accents； the spectacle of people unexpectedly encountering and
recognising each other in the office and the dining…room； all helped to
restore him to a hopefuller mood。 Without asking his heart too curiously
why； he found it lighter； he felt that he was still young。
In the weather he had struck a cold wave； and the wind was bitter in the
streets； but they were full of sun； he found the grass green in sheltered
places； and in one of the Circles he plucked a blossomed spray from an
adventurous forceythia。 This happened when he was walking from Wormley's
to the Arlington by a roundabout way of his own involuntary invention； and
he had the flowers in his button…hole when Lafflin was pointed out to him
in the reading room there； and he introduced himself。 Lafflin had put his
hat far back on his head； and was intensely chewing a toothpick； with an
air of rapture from everything about him。 He seemed a very simple soul to
Dan's inexperience of men； and the young fellow had no difficulty in
committing him to a fair conditional arrangement。 He was going to stay
some days in Washington； and he promised other interviews； so that Dan
thought it best to stay too。 He used a sheet of the Arlington letter…
paper in writing his father of what he had done； and then； as Lafflin had
left him； he posted his letter at the clerk's desk； and wandered out
through a corridor different from that which he had come in by。 It led by
the door of the ladies parlour； and at the sound of women's voices Dan
halted。 For no other reason than that such voices always irresistibly
all
